Quarry of Ash, ch.4

After Daisyfur sent Molenose out with a hunting party, Doveheart left xir den to seek out Leechwhisker and speak with xem, though xe wasn’t sure whether xe wanted to talk about what xe’d seen in the forest.  It wouldn't hurt to talk to xem about Emberpaw instead.  Since Lilyfang was on the hunting party, Molenose would probably talk to xem about Adderpaw then anyway, relaying the story of what disrespect the apprentice had shown their medicine cat. Though Emberpaw was less at fault, it still warranted a discussion.  Molenose had threatened to talk to Leechwhisker as well as Lilyfang—and maybe xe would, but xe didn’t have to be the first.  

Doveheart met with the tortoiseshell warrior near the fresh-kill pile, and they each picked a meal to take to the edge of camp.

"What’s on your mind?" Leechwhisker asked, after crouching down to release a dead bird from xir jaws.

Leechwhisker always seemed to know when xe had something to tell xem.  Doveheart set down xir mouse and wrapped xir tail around xir body, answering, simply, "The rogue on our territory."

"Oh."  Xe began to bite into the meat of xir meal.  "Yeah, I heard Spiderclaw smelled it around the fallen log somewhere."

As xe continued to speak, Doveheart started nibbling on the mouse, not feeling much of an appetite.

"Last seen in BrookClan, first seen in MeadowClan...  Seems like it’s been making the rounds, and we’re just the next on the list. "  Xe sighed.  "I had hoped it would stay away from us.  We’ll chase it off eventually, but in the meantime it’s going to be a drain on our prey populations.  We need that food to be going to a kitting queen, not some self-centered miscreant."

"If we can get any kitting queens," Doveheart muttered.  Of the warriors in KnollClan who were capable, none had kitted since Emberpaw and Adderpaw were born, and many of the cats-who-can-have-kits hadn’t even had their first litters yet.  New mothers were often unlucky, and first litters were well-known to be the least likely to survive.

"I think we have some warriors working on that," Leechwisker remarked in a sly tone.  "Give it time."

As Yewstorm’s patrol returned from the forest, clearly heading toward Daisyfur, Doveheart stopped eating and watched the warriors come in.  The concerns with Emberpaw were far from xir mind.

"Uh oh.  Look at those eyes.  You’re zoning out, Doveheart.  Are you receiving a vision from StarClan?"

This time Doveheart was not amused, turning xir head to look at the tortoiseshell with a look of melancholy that smothered the spirit of the joke.  Xe was too forlorn to laugh.

Leechwhisker leaned forward, tilting xir head.  "Got yourself by the tongue?"

"No, it's just...  I do sometimes wonder, whether it would be better not to be a medicine cat."

"Doveheart, KnollClan couldn't ask for a better—"

"No, I— I know, it's just... it gets lonely."

Leechwhisker narrowed xir eyes with a hesitant eyebrow-raise.  After their last conversation on the matter, it was obvious what xe was thinking.

"I don't want a mate," xe insisted.  "But you warriors, you have lots like yourselves, around you all the time."

"So?"

Doveheart lowered xir eyes.

The warrior waited.

After a pause, gazing down at the earth, the medicine cat stuttered, "I-if Frostkit h-had—"

Like falling into a river, that fragment of a mew plunged Leechwhisker into a cold berth of understanding.  "Oh Doveheart, I'm so sorry—"

"It's Yewstorm and Daisyfur you should feel sorry for."

"No, I really am sorry," xe whispered.  Leechwhisker rubbed xir head against that of the medicine cat.  "I know what xe meant to you."

They enjoyed the quiet of each other's breathing, and eventually Doveheart began to purr with gladness for xir friend's comfort.  Together, they curled up and went to sleep.

---

After waking and stretching xir legs, Doveheart left to return to xir duties in xir den and spent the rest of the night and some of the dawn preparing for the gathering that would come soon.  Spiderclaw came by after sunrise to inform xem that xe and Wrenface were planning to have kits and to ask the medicine cat if xe had anything to increase fertility, but Doveheart could only shake xir head and promise to ask the other medicine cats tonight if they knew anything that could be done.  Spiderclaw didn't seem too disheartened by this reply.  Xe had simply thought it wise to check.

Doveheart gave a brief nod of understanding.  "Well, I wish you luck."

"You too," Spiderclaw replied without thinking.  It was only after the words were out of xir mouth that xe realized what xe'd said.

Doveheart cleared xir throat and curled xir tail over xir paws.  It had been an opinion expressed by the deputy not long ago that it was a waste of Clan resources for a cat-who-can-have-kits to take up the mantle of a medicine cat.  For cats-who-can't-have-kits, the ability to contribute to the Clan is limited, but cats-who-can-have-kits are blessed with the ability to bring new life to the Clan, no matter whom they mate with, and each new litter is something to be treasured.  That had been the line of thinking behind Daisyfur’s remark.  Yellowstar had set the deputy straight, of course, and nearly clawed both xir ears off, but the bile in Doveheart's throat still remained each time xir thoughts revisited the memory of another cat's scorn.

Spiderclaw flattened xir ears and made xemself small, saying, "I didn't mean that."

"I know you didn't."

"Honestly, Doveheart, I—"

"You meant to say," xe interrupted, "that you wish me good luck with finding something out from the other medicine cats, of course.  Thank you.  You are a kind cat, Spiderclaw.  I'm proud we come from the same litter."  Doveheart purred and rubbed the warrior with the length of xir body, encouraging xem to stand and rub in return.  Xe didn't let xem linger, though.  Wrenface was pacing at the edge of camp, and xe could see Brownstripe headed this way.  When the medicine cat dismissed the warrior from xir presence, the black cat trotted off with xir tail in the air.

Then Brownstripe sat down at the den's entrance.  It took an inconvenient string of riddles, some of which Doveheart had a little trouble with, before xe finally revealed that Yellowstar had requested to see xem in xir den.

"Well why couldn't you have just said that, you oaf?"

Brownstripe laughed.  "What am I supposed to do, just walk up and say, 'Hey, healer, the leader wants you'?"

"Yes.  Yes, that is exactly what is needed."

"That would be boring!"

"Sometimes 'boring' is what's better!" Doveheart called over xir shoulder, while already heading off to meet with Yellowstar.  The leader's den was near the nursery, across camp, and the medicine cat didn't hesitate before plunging into the shallow tunnel, smelling the pale tabby close inside.

The leader of KnollClan was sprawled out on xir side, relaxed and half-asleep.  Xe did not move when Doveheart came in, except to cough a few times with an elderly wheeze.

"A bit of coltsfoot would—"

"I didn't ask you here to talk about my cough, Doveheart."

Xe fell silent.

"Yewstorm's patrol returned without any encounter with the rogue.  You're the only one that saw it.  Explain what you saw."

The medicine cat began kneading the earth as xe gave a detailed report, trying to fight the impression that xir leader wasn't listening.  "I… I was looking for catchweed when I saw a ginger tabby, looking at me, standing on the fallen log.  I didn’t recognize it and it didn’t smell like the cats of any Clan.  It had a mouse, probably stolen, that it was carrying with it.  It was kind of far away, but it looked big and powerful… like it could easily overpower me, " xe forced xemself to admit, shuffling xir paws from nervousness.  "It heard the patrol coming and it sneaked off before they arrived."  Xe didn’t mention the emotion in its eyes, or the way it had done nothing but blink in response to xir hiss before it slunk away.

Yellowstar’s reaction to the news was little more than a grunt and a skeptical gaze, the one xe always seemed to wear.  After the medicine cat was dismissed, xe left the den and spent some time with Leechwhisker discussing xir progress with xir apprentice.  Doveheart was under the impression that xe would have the rest of the day to get in more sleep before the gathering.

Xe woke up in darkness to the sound of yowling.

Unsure what was happening, xe lifted xir head with a groggy grumble and noticed that Brownstripe was nudging xem.  Xe gradually began to stand.  Emberpaw was panting as though xe’d just run into camp, shouting for help, and Adderpaw was stumbling into camp behind xem in a state of tremors, gagging as though xe were about to retch.  Doveheart pulled xemself together and hurried toward them, demanding answers.

Emberpaw fumbled through xir explanation as quickly as xe could while xir gaze kept darting toward the dusky apprentice who could no longer stand.  Xe had never looked so scared.  According to Emberpaw, Adderpaw had eaten something, part of a plant, one that grew down by the brook in the wet soil and had clusters of little white flowers.  Hearing this, Doveheart's expression changed from one of worry to cold certainty.  Xe dashed back to xir den and was chewing the yarrow as xe returned.

"Here.  Swallow this."

Adderpaw had lay down on xir side, flecks of foam beginning to appear around xir mouth.

"Adderpaw, swallow it."

Emberpaw tried to crowd in close.  "Is xe going to be—"

"Shut up."  Doveheart pushed the mushy mixture closer with xir paw, and when Adderpaw proved unable to take it into xir teeth, the medicine cat delicately pried open the jaws of the young cat with xir claws, too determined to give up, and forced the herb into xir mouth xemself.  Shaking, Adderpaw swallowed it bits at a time, xir nose unhealthily dry and xir eyes clenched shut.  Xe began to moan from nausea.

Then the medicine cat whirled on xir littermate.  "Why was Adderpaw eating water hemlock?"

"I dared xem to—"

"You dared xem to?"  Doveheart could do nothing but stare.  Xe'd never known any apprentices so determined to kill each other.

A crowd of warriors had begun to form without xir notice, all watching the apprentices and too tense to breathe a word.

"What's going to happen?" Emberpaw whimpered.

"Water hemlock has deadly poison.  Xe won’t survive if it stays inside xem.  The herb I gave xem should make xem spit it up, but it would have been better if xe'd never eaten it at all.  What put such ideas in your head?  Where's your mentor?"

"Xe's out on a patrol—"

Just then Adderpaw sat up and started heaving, xir body pulsing forward and rocking back.  Xir mouth opened, lowered to the ground, and a green bile-ridden sludge poured out onto the earth and filled the surrounding air with its stench.  Doveheart scratched at the ground to cover the puddle with dirt.  

The dusky apprentice still looked shaky and frail, and the medicine cat offered xem a chance to stay a while in xir den, but even while recovering from the effects of water hemlock, Adderpaw was adamant.

"You don't have to baby me."  Xir voice was uneven and faint.

Doveheart shouldn’t have been surprised at the resistance, but xe was.  "Adderpaw, you could have died."  

The implication xe’d dispensed, however, was that now xe would live, and that was enough to convince Adderpaw that xe didn’t need the medicine cat anymore.

The apprentice didn't talk back, scuffing xir paws and twitching xir tail, still disdainful of the offer.  Seeing that xe wasn't going to accept any more care, no matter how bad xe felt in the aftermath, Doveheart turned xir back on the apprentice and left for xir den, leaving a trail of whispers in xir wake.  Silence did not return until Daisyfur did.  It was the deputy's job to take care of these matters, not Doveheart's.  Xe relished not holding that rank, not bearing that responsibility, not being obligated to sort out these situations and help decide what was to be done, but a part of xem was queasy with uncertainty.  Adderpaw’s life was safe, but xe couldn’t help but wonder where Emberpaw had gotten the idea to make that dare.  The answer that came to mind was a thought xe did not want to consider.

The medicine cat did not get a chance to speak with anyone else before having to depart for the gathering.  Xe would have liked to see Leechwhisker for a bit, but the warrior was busy, no doubt, hissing at Emberpaw, conferring with Yellowstar, and puzzling out how things had come to this.  It must be hard for the mentor, feeling responsible for the outcome of the apprentice.  It would have been nice to comfort xem and in as much find comfort for xemself, but there was no time for that now.  As the moon rose higher, the medicine cat set out into the forest to meet the healers of the other Clans, picking xir way through the underbrush with heavy matters on xir mind and a churning feeling in xir belly, anxious what the future would hold.