Quarry of Ash, ch.7

After returning to camp, Doveheart deposited xir herbs and went to see Yellowstar, deciding to skip the greeting.  Xe simply bowed xir head and said, "I'm here to report another rogue sighting."

Yellowstar did not look up, swishing xir tail.  "Yewstorm already told me."

"No, this time I'm the one who saw it."

"Again?"

"Again."

"Where?"

"Between the rocky slopes and the tree bridge."

The leader narrowed xir eyes and pulled xemself to xir paws.  Xir glare, the glare of eyes that had seen death, had the medicine cat feeling as though it were xe who had trespassed.  It seemed that Yellowstar was waiting for more of an explanation, so xe added, "It... came from downwind and caught me by surprise."

"You don't look any the worse off for it," Yellowstar remarked.

Xe swallowed.  "It... didn't attack me.  It was injured."

"And you probably helped it, didn't you?"

"I-I'm a medicine cat..."

"Have you no loyalty to your Clan?" the leader spat.

"What was I supposed to do, refuse to help?  There's no honor in that!"

"Those clawmarks were put there by Yewstorm, a warrior of KnollClan.  That rogue has no business being here, and your meddling serves only to sabotage xir efforts."

Xe could feel xir pulse quickening as xir own temper began to slip.  "So we are to follow the code only when it is convenient to us?"

"This wouldn't have happened if you weren't always running into it.  Your duties do not require you to leave camp.  You will stay out of the forest from now on."

Although Doveheart knew xe didn’t want to see that rogue again anyway, xe wanted to point out that xe would still need to venture into the forest from time to time, to replenish xir store of medicine, but before xe could speak Yellowstar interjected an even harsher proclamation.

"At this rate, Doveheart, you wouldn’t even deserve an apprentice if we had one to give you.  KnollClan cannot afford to waste resources, and with how long we’ve had an empty nursery, it’s a given that we’ll need every kit from the next litter to be trained as a warrior by loyal cats who will do what is best for the Clan.  We will not give our valuable kits away to the likes of you."

Stunned, Doveheart didn’t know what to do with xir indignation.  Xe hadn’t been expecting anything as far as that.  To preemptively deprive xem of an apprentice wasn’t fair.  There were no kits to put a claim on anyway, it shouldn’t have mattered, and it surprised xem how much it hurt, as xe realized that this was the pain of xir smallest hope being wrenched away.  Xe didn’t know what to do.  Staring at Yellowstar, xe had to wonder how long the leader was willing to postpone her mentorhood, how long xe would make this last, whether in the future battles sure to come Yellowstar xemself would be injured and in need of aid, and how much contempt xe would still have for the practices of medicine cats then.  Xe was getting on in age these days.  Did xe really think xe had lives to spare?

"Yellowstar, how many lives do you have now?" Doveheart asked.

It was the wrong question to ask.  The pale tabby began to lash xir tail as xe growled, "Get out of my den."

At that, the medicine cat knew xe had overstayed xir welcome.  Xe whirled around and ran, not looking back.

Leechwhisker caught up with xem once xe was outside.  "What's the matter?  It sounded like you and Yellowstar were having a row."  Such a thing wasn’t a common occurrence, which accounted for xir confused and concerned expression.  As a medicine cat, Doveheart had a higher rank than xe did, but everyone owed deference to the leader.

It was such a relief to see xem again, Doveheart hardly had an answer for xem.  "Oh, Leechwhisker."  Xir legs nearly buckled from underneath xem as xe rubbed against the tortoiseshell in sapping relief.  "I saw the rogue again," xe explained, still shaken, "and it was injured and wanted help... and Yellowstar told me I shouldn't've."

Leechwhisker said nothing, mulling over xir own thoughts.

It seemed that no more good could come of speaking of it anymore, and xe didn’t want to tell xir friend that xe was now forbidden from taking an apprentice.  Tentatively, Doveheart pursued a different subject, hoping some good news would soothe xir nerves.  "How's Emberpaw?"

The tortie sighed, looked away, and answered, "Stubborn."

"Xe takes after Yewstorm."

"Yes.  But not enough."

---

Doveheart remained in camp as Yellowstar had ordered, but as xe lay beside Leechwisker and licked the fur of xir paws, xe couldn't help thinking about what xe'd said.  KnollClan's own leader seemed to resent xir following the medicine cat code.  Was that because Yellowstar had only ever been a warrior in xir own life, or did that same disdain extend to the warrior code as well, whenever it posed an inconvenience to xir immediate gain?  Was there anything to be gained at all from obeying it, besides bolstering one's own sense of self-righteousness?  Doveheart liked to think there was a good side to every cat, but with Rusty... xe couldn't be sure.  Maybe xe was just being self-centered... by helping others?  Since when was that self-centered?  But xir allegiance was to xir Clan, and xe wasn't helping them by adhering to xir own protocol.  Then again, that's partly what being a medicine cat was about.  From their very apprenticeship, they were set apart, loyal to everyone and no one, caring for all indiscriminately.  

It was just that medicine cats just so happened to enjoy living with Clans, and Clans just so happened to find it pragmatic to keep a few around.  For all intents and purposes, medicine cats might as well be traveling healers, going where the wind takes them, if that hadn't been the more inconvenient way.  It wasn't as though any of them would refuse to treat a cat from another Clan.  For a medicine cat, what did borders really mean, anyway?

"Maybe I was wrong."

Leechwhisker's head lifted, xir ears pricked forward as xe clarified, "About the water hemlock?"

"What?  No, not that.  Maybe I shouldn't have done anything for the rogue."  Xe felt queasy thinking about it now.

Xir friend, being just as uncertain, asked xem, "Do you regret helping it?"

The tabby had to think about that.  Xe didn't really know.  Xe'd helped Adderpaw and Emberpaw, and those two had done worse things than cross imaginary lines and feed themselves.  "No.  But maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, either."  Or maybe it didn't matter.  Doveheart stretched and curled up tighter, intending to put off the issue and get some more sleep.

"Hey.  Don't just drop out of the conversation."  Leechwhisker stood up and walked around to face xem.  "I know you don't just quit caring about things.  Say what you're thinking.  Was it even nice to you about it?  Was it a simpering mouse-brain?  Did it treat you like the droppings of a badger?"

Doveheart twitched xir whiskers and raised xir head.  "Something like that.  He was very... sure of himself."

Leechwhisker sat down and waited for more information, prompting, "Like Brownstripe?"

"No!  Not at all like Brownstripe."

"Just a son of a badger, then?"

"He called himself 'the Red Terror'."

"Just a son of a badger then."

Doveheart didn't say anything.
"If I were you, I wouldn't help him next time."

"Even if he needed it?"

"Especially if he needed it."

"Because he's not nice enough to meet your standards?"

"Because he's just a son of badger who needs to get his skinny tail off our territory."

The medicine cat set xir head down, gazing straight ahead.  "It is kind of strange that he sticks around.  Most cats would leave before taking a hit like that."

"So not only is it a rogue, it's a stupid rogue."

"Leechwhisker, you know better.  If the rogue were so foolish, our warriors wouldn’t be taking so long in solving the problem."

"Well what could it possibly want?  If it needs prey to hunt, there are places it can go where it wouldn't have to constantly run and hide."

It was a good point, but it didn’t help either of them to understand.  Doveheart sighed.  "I don't know."  On that low note, xe closed xir eyes and let xemself have more rest.  When xe awoke again, the sun was beginning to rise, and a big brown tabby was in xir face.

"Good morning, Brownstripe."

"That depends on how one assesses the goodness of a morning, don't you think?  Listen—guess what this is: I run without paws, have branches without leaves, have a mouth but never eat, can grow but never die.  What am I?"

"The river.  Brownstripe, you've already told me this one."

"I have?  Oh, so I have.  Wait, wait, just this one more.  What cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelled?"

"I don't know.  The wind?"

"Wrong!  You can hear and feel the wind!"  To say the answer, Brownstripe leaned in with a sinister look.  "It's darkness."

"Oh now Brownstripe, that doesn't work.  You can see darkness."

"On the contrary, the entire concept of darkness is that which cannot be seen."

"This isn't relevant to my duties.  I'm just a medicine cat."  With that self-effacing dismissal, Doveheart tried to curl up and ignore him, tucking a paw over xir nose.

Brownstripe tilted xir head, curling xir tail over xir paws.  "Four paws... Two ears... Two eyes...  Do you ever wonder why we don't have more noses?"

"You'd run out of places to put yours," xe grumbled.

"What?"  The brown tabby’s attention was brought back to the medicine cat just as Daisyfur approached.  Doveheart drew xir head back up just in time to notice the way that Brownstripe shied away from the deputy.

"Doveheart.  Redfang's cough needs attention."

The gray tabby stood and stretched, arching xir back.  "Certainly.  We've got a few things for that."

"Now, if possible."

Xe nodded, getting the message, and trotted off in a hurry to gather some round, yellow leaves from xir den.  These xe brought to the old stump that was the elders' usual lounging place.  Laying there were Redfang and Ravenfur.  They were eying xem as xe approached, and they tilted their heads in tandem.

Doveheart set down the leaves in front of the ginger tabby.  "I've been informed you have a bad cough, Redfang."

"I've been informed you saw the rogue, again, medicine cat."  Redfang lifted xir chin and looked down xir nose at xem, then lowered xir head in a fit of coughs.

"Yes, that's true.  Eat some of this; it should help."

The ginger did nothing but cough more, and the black cat interjected, "Did you kill it?"

"D— what?"

"Did you kill it?"

"I've not been trained as a warrior, Ravenfur."

"Did you try?"

"...You know I didn't."

"Gave it herbs, more like," mumbled Redfang.

"Yes, we're all aware.  Now have these."

Xe picked up a few of the leaves and started to chew them, making a face.

Ravenfur twitched xir whiskers.  "Little tender-hearted medicine cat—can't resist tending to anyone's wounds."

"Now Ravenfur—"

"You call yourself our Clanmate?  A loyal cat would have fought it off.  It was already bleeding; you had the advantage."

Xe had most certainly not had the advantage.  Doveheart scowled, lashing xir tail.  "Leave it to someone else to be a loyal cat.  My path is my own."

As xe turned and left, xe could hear Redfang coughing behind xem, and Ravenfur muttering, "...the path of a medicine cat who can't even cure a mild cough."

The tansy would take time to take effect, but the comment stung anyway.  The last thing xe needed now was the Clan losing faith in xir skills.  Xe headed back to where xe had been napping with Leechwhisker, but by that time, the warrior was gone on the dawn patrol.